Ron Left Ron Twitter Ron Right Ron Facebook

HONOR

If you need it defined, you don't have it.

AMERICA

The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures," use an atlas or a ham radio.

BUFFETS

Whenever available. Choose quantity over quality.

WEAPONS

WOOD WORKING

WELFARE AVOIDANCE

TEAMWORK

Work together as if your life depended on it...IT DOES!

SELFISHNESS

Take what's yours.

HAIRCUTS

3 acceptable styles: High and Tight, Crew Cut & Buzz Cut.

GREATNESS ITSELF

The best revenge.

DISCIPLINE

The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.

ATTIRE

Shorts over 6" are capri pants. Shorts under 6" are European.

SELF-RELIANCE

Trust yourself.

SUSPICION

Do not trust anyone else.

SKIM MILK

That's right.
It's on here twice.
Avoid it.

COW PROTEIN

PIG

PROTEIN

CHICKEN PROTEIN

ROMANTIC LOVE

DEER PROTEIN

FISH

(SPORT ONLY!)

INTENSITY

Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.

TORSO

Should be thick and impenetrable.

OLD WOODEN SAILING SHIPS

They're beautiful.

B.O.

Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.

STILLNESS

Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.

SKIM MILK

Avoid it.

CURSING

There's only one bad word: Taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors, it's good enough for you.

FRIENDS

One to three is sufficient

PROPERTY RIGHTS

They exist. Do not let them be taken away from you.

MASONRY

Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you even stronger.

CABINS

A place to rest that is made of logs.

PERSPIRATION

Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.

YOU

You are your biggest ally.

CRYING

Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon

PHYSICAL FITNESS

FRANKNESS

Cut the B.S.

CAPITALISM

God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.

FACIAL HAIR

Full, thick and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that means you can't grow it.

LIVING IN THE WOODS

Live off the land.

RAGE

One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.

SECURITY

Secure the land.

POISE

Sting like a bee.
Do not float like
a butterfly.
That's ridiculous.

HANDSHAKES

Firm, Dry, Solid.
3 seconds.

BODY GROOMING

Only women shave beneath the neck.

SWANSON PYRAMID OF GREATNESS

By Binh Nguyen
Follow @RBTNguyen